Enter the Jabberwock - Campfire of the Vanities

Your Team of Dedicated Writers (Under Construction; Done Soon)

J Crowley (Jabberwock)

Location: In the smile of every child, in the heartbeat of every fish.
AIM: EtJabberwock
E-mail: jSPAMLESS@enterthejabberwock.com (remove the "SPAMLESS")

Miscellaneous Facts:

- I can perform fusion through sheer will.
- Neutrinos cannot permeate my flesh.
- God once stopped the flow of time to ask me for a stick of gum.
- Monsters have their parents check under the bed at night for me.
- The most dangerous form of me is the bicycle.
- The James Bond film series is based on a version of myself who went back in time thirty years from now to prevent the USSR from launching a nuclear bomb against the United States during the Cold War.
- Dogs suffer from colorblindness, except for when they look at me. Then, not only can they see in color, but they can see exactly how they will die.
- I once killed a dozen terrorists by stomping my foot in anger. The vibrations underwent a butterfly effect and were amplified in a particular cave in Afghanistan, which collapsed.
- Giraffes can speak English, but only if I let them.
- There's an underground race of an offshoot of mankind that uses my discarded condoms as currency.
- I can read compact discs directly into my brain by sliding them under my armpit.
- If I kiss a bullet before it is fired, it can never be stopped.
- The only sure way to avoid a mummy's curse is to drink my tears.
- I have "Screech" from Saved By the Bell in a cage under my bed. I use him to polish my shoes.
- I possess a memory so powerful that I can vividly recollect your childhood. I prefer, however, not to.
- Macy's accepts my eyelashes as currency, on a per-pound basis.
- Gary Busey comes to me when he needs answers to the really important questions.
- If I get close enough to a hive, bees will disobey their queen and instead follow my instructions.

Alec Kyras (Alec)

Location: Curled up inside a grotesquely oversized, hollowed watermelon the shape of Nixon's head.
E-mail: alecSPAMLESS@enterthejabberwock.com (remove the "SPAMLESS")

Biography:
Alexander 'Superfly' Kyras (1984-) is a prominent local film critic and amateur wrestler. He is a registered member of the Libertarian Party; his primary objective in politics is returning America to its Christian roots and punishing the sinful behavior that endangers God's protection and blessing. His passionate belief in the inevitability of the Rapture in his own lifetime leads him to staunch advocacy for Israel in spite of his personal discomfort with Jewry.

On the other hand, he takes a more nuanced view of the economy, recognizing that the Sermon on the Mount is unique in being either inaccurate or a metaphor, and that the Parable of the Talents provides a more accurate view of Christian economic values. He is a FairTax proponent and activist. His interests include Wikipedia, transhumanism, South Park, and the Crusades; his heroes include Winston Churchill, Jesus, Ayn Rand, Ludwig von Mises, and Ronald Reagan.

'Wait 'til you see my dick;
Hey bitch - wait 'til you see my dick.'

--Winston Churchill

Infidel753

Location: Seated comfortably in his homemade, precision replica of the original Adam West-era Batcave.
E-mail: infidel753SPAMLESS@enterthejabberwock.com (remove the "SPAMLESS")

Biography, in First-Person-o-Vision:
"I was born in 1960 in New York, grew up in northern California, and currently live in Oregon. In my 46 years in this world, there has never been so much as a millisecond when I believed in a deity or in any supernatural or "spiritual" concept.

I have no extraordinary powers, unless sarcasm counts. If there is anything I "believe in", it's the power of human intelligence and technology. I have visited several foreign nations including Britain, Germany, Egypt, Japan, Mexico, and Texas.

My degrees are in Islamic history, so September 11 was by no means a surprise to me, being simply the latest expression of a centuries-old pattern.

Neither leftist nor rightist, I support personal freedom in all areas, whether it's gun ownership, abortion, or anything else.

I hold that the purpose of life is to enjoy it, that the only trait worse than irrationality is cruelty, and that in 99% of cases a person who tries to give you orders is best considered an enemy."

Matt Boeh (Djur)

Location: The MOON.
AIM: MBOEHX
E-mail: djurSPAMLESS@enterthejabberwock.com (remove the "SPAMLESS")

Eric Watt (Wattly)

Location: Beyond Thunderdome
AIM:
E-mail: wattlySPAMLESS@enterthejabberwock.com (remove the "SPAMLESS")

Biography:
Raised in the wild forests of Michigan's Upper Peninsula, not much is known about his early years. At the age of 18, Eric joined the rest of civilization, beginning his undergraduate education at the University of Michigan. Quickly earning the admiration of his peers, he excelled at all things academic (well, except for grades, or classes in general). Following his graduation from the University of Michigan, Eric began working on his PhD in Biophysical Chemistry.

Ascendance

Location: Starving in the belly of a whale.
AIM:
E-mail: (Not yet available)

Thank you for purchasing a nepphie series 19831028.
This series specializes in high irreverence, ironic self-reference, and contains enhanced iconoclasm features.
Please do not use this unit in conjunction with coconuts. The issuing company cannot be held liable for refusal to comply with this directive.
Unsubstantiated commentary will be met with unrelenting verbal abuse.
For further information on your nepphie, please consult the userpage at:
http://ascendance.wordpress.com

E-Mail Form:

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E-mail

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